mike hotdog

Reviews tagged ‘william-fichtner’ by mike hotdog Patron

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1997

★★ Watched

Leave it to Robert Zemeckis to make an extraordinarily poorly-paced and weirdly-structured two and a half hour long movie that serves as the ultimate "both sides"-ism argument in the eternal push-and-pull between observable scientific phenomena and religious faith. Underpinning everything is an awful saccharine score from Alan Silvestri, way too much digitally-altered CNN footage, and two very miscast leads (ultimately, this turns out to be a lesser sin compared to John Hurt's performance, which seems to be for a very…

Ultraviolet

2006

★★★ Liked Watched

Kurt Wimmer's rapturous ode to Milla Jovovich's tight midriff and hips, perpetually keeping low-rise leather pants held up (though they threaten to expose Jovovich's mons pubis with any given movement).

"Ultraviolet" is certainly immediately identifiable as a Wimmer picture: a grossly over-ambitious, wildly over-the-top, and utterly baffling sci-fi tale about futuristic vampire ninjas, CyberCatholicism, and viral pandemics that's been mercilessly hacked to death and bandaged with horrible dubbing in the editing bay by some studio lunkhead. "Ultraviolet" has a bizarre…

The Perfect Storm

2000

★★★ Liked 1

Good old-fashioned Hollywood schmaltz and grandeur. Was majorly disheartened to realize that 2000 was 24 years ago and yet I still vividly when this came out and was a big hit. That means I am Getting Old, which I suppose is the reason I'm watching a movie about commercial fishermen.

Hypnotic

2023

★★ Watched

What on Earth is this shit? Lmao

Robert Rodriguez directed a direct-to-Redbox movie inexplicably starring Ben Affleck, with awful color grading, silly dialog-laden writing, and laughable action? Poor William Fichtner had to be dragged into this? Jackie Earle Haley? I dunno, this whole thing just felt wildly miscalculated and, also, B O R I N G.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

2014

★★½ Liked Watched

It's, uh, actually kinda fun. Reminds me a lot of the 2003 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoon that I watched as a kid. Don't get me wrong, though—the plot is completely forgettable and it can be pretty idiotic. But what more can you really expect or want from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Casey Jones, I guess. I'll watch the sequel.